Please take a moment to read the scripture from the weekend from Psalm 25:4-11.
I have always been an inquisitive person. My parents often laugh about times when I was younger disassembling objects in the house “to see how they worked.” Even in my work now, I am often heard asking a myriad of questions, sometimes to get to the root of the issue, other times to create an opportunity to think in a different way. I have always been driven by my desire to know things. And even growing up in the church, caring adult leaders would kindly respond to my questions in a way that would satisfy me through most of my adolescence.
When I was in high school, I was seeking answers to questions I was too afraid to ask, as my family went through a difficult time. Outwardly, I didn’t want to seem like I was doubting or questioning my core faith beliefs, but inside I was struggling in having an understanding of God in the midst of pain. The doubt created shame. I wrestled with how could a loving God let this happen? I felt abandoned. As a private person, I didn’t feel like there was a place or time where it was “appropriate” to ask, mostly due to the shame of having even questioned God’s love and presence in my life.
The struggle for answers would last several long and grueling months until I finally was able to articulate the doubts that were reverberating in my head. I was able to work through the shame and ask my questions out loud. Not only were caring adults and peers there to offer support, but also to help me realize that it is ok to ask questions. It is ok to seek out answers. It is ok to wonder. It was refreshing to me that you don’t have to have faith figured out at age 17. When I was able to understand that faith isn’t complete when you go through Confirmation, there was freedom. When I realized that adults still learn and reform their faith every day, there was freedom.
In Sunday’s sermon, Pastor Eric Bostrom reiterated what I needed to hear all those years ago, “That question is a gift from God…it is a sign that the Holy Spirit is alive in your life…moving and stirring within your very heart… God is not done with any of us! There is so much God wants to teach each and every one of us.”
Awesome. Perfect. I am here, Lord, ready and eager to continue to learn and grow. I can’t say that more questions won’t arise, but at least now I know what a gift they can be.
You are awesome. Thank you for your constant presence with us even when we feel distant. May your love overpower those doubts and change our hearts to constantly know of your love. Thank you for the grace when we think we know it all, and for constant stirring within our hearts when we think we don’t know it at all. Help us to always seek you with our whole hearts day after day. In your Son’s name, we pray. Amen.
Written by Amy Wagner
Amy has been on staff at Sheridan since 2007, and currently serves as the Director of Ministries.
When she is not in the church office, Amy enjoys traveling, working out, serving others, leading some of the Sheridan Habitat trips and being outside in the sunshine.
Amy and her husband, Brent, love the community of Sheridan and are blessed to call this place their church home.